708 lines
16 KiB
HTML
708 lines
16 KiB
HTML
<!doctype html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="utf-8">
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
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<title>Dream/Life</title>
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<meta name="description" content="The long-running and erratically updated blog of Kathleen Fitzpatrick.">
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<link rel="alternate" href="feed/feed.xml" type="application/atom+xml" title="kfitz">
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<script async="" src="https://talk.hyvor.com/embed/embed.js" type="module"></script>
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<link rel="webmention" href="https://webmention.io/kfitz.info/webmention">
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<link rel="pingback" href="https://webmention.io/kfitz.info/xmlrpc">
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<style>/**
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* okaidia theme for JavaScript, CSS and HTML
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* Loosely based on Monokai textmate theme by http://www.monokai.nl/
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* @author ocodia
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*/
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code[class*="language-"],
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pre[class*="language-"] {
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color: #f8f8f2;
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background: none;
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text-shadow: 0 1px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3);
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font-family: Consolas, Monaco, 'Andale Mono', 'Ubuntu Mono', monospace;
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font-size: 1em;
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text-align: left;
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white-space: pre;
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word-spacing: normal;
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word-break: normal;
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word-wrap: normal;
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line-height: 1.5;
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-moz-tab-size: 4;
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-o-tab-size: 4;
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tab-size: 4;
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-webkit-hyphens: none;
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-moz-hyphens: none;
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-ms-hyphens: none;
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hyphens: none;
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}
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/* Code blocks */
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pre[class*="language-"] {
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padding: 1em;
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margin: .5em 0;
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overflow: auto;
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border-radius: 0.3em;
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}
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:not(pre) > code[class*="language-"],
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pre[class*="language-"] {
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background: #272822;
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}
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/* Inline code */
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:not(pre) > code[class*="language-"] {
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padding: .1em;
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border-radius: .3em;
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white-space: normal;
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}
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.token.comment,
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.token.prolog,
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.token.doctype,
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.token.cdata {
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color: #8292a2;
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}
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.token.punctuation {
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color: #f8f8f2;
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}
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.token.namespace {
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opacity: .7;
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}
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.token.property,
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.token.tag,
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.token.constant,
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.token.symbol,
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.token.deleted {
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color: #f92672;
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}
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.token.boolean,
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.token.number {
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color: #ae81ff;
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}
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.token.selector,
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.token.attr-name,
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.token.string,
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.token.char,
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.token.builtin,
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.token.inserted {
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color: #a6e22e;
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}
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.token.operator,
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.token.entity,
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.token.url,
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.language-css .token.string,
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.style .token.string,
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.token.variable {
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color: #f8f8f2;
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}
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.token.atrule,
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.token.attr-value,
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.token.function,
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.token.class-name {
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color: #e6db74;
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}
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.token.keyword {
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color: #66d9ef;
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}
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.token.regex,
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.token.important {
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color: #fd971f;
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}
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.token.important,
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.token.bold {
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font-weight: bold;
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}
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.token.italic {
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font-style: italic;
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}
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.token.entity {
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cursor: help;
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}
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/*
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* New diff- syntax
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*/
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pre[class*="language-diff-"] {
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--eleventy-code-padding: 1.25em;
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padding-left: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
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padding-right: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
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}
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.token.deleted {
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background-color: hsl(0, 51%, 37%);
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color: inherit;
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}
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.token.inserted {
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background-color: hsl(126, 31%, 39%);
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color: inherit;
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}
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/* Make the + and - characters unselectable for copy/paste */
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.token.prefix.unchanged,
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.token.prefix.inserted,
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.token.prefix.deleted {
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-webkit-user-select: none;
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user-select: none;
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display: inline-flex;
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align-items: center;
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justify-content: center;
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padding-top: 2px;
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padding-bottom: 2px;
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}
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.token.prefix.inserted,
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.token.prefix.deleted {
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width: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
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background-color: rgba(0,0,0,.2);
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}
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/* Optional: full-width background color */
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.token.inserted:not(.prefix),
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.token.deleted:not(.prefix) {
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display: block;
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margin-left: calc(-1 * var(--eleventy-code-padding));
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margin-right: calc(-1 * var(--eleventy-code-padding));
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text-decoration: none; /* override del, ins, mark defaults */
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color: inherit; /* override del, ins, mark defaults */
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}
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/* This is an arbitrary CSS string added to the bundle */
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/* Defaults */
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@font-face {
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font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
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src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-400-normal.woff2') format('woff2');
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font-display: swap;
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}
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@font-face {
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font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
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font-weight: bold;
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src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-700-normal.woff2') format('woff2');
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font-display: swap;
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}
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@font-face {
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font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
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font-style: italic
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src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-400-italic.woff2') format('woff2');
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font-display: swap;
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}
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:root {
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--font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible", -apple-system, system-ui, sans-serif;
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--font-family-monospace: Consolas, Menlo, Monaco, Andale Mono WT, Andale Mono, Lucida Console, Lucida Sans Typewriter, DejaVu Sans Mono, Bitstream Vera Sans Mono, Liberation Mono, Nimbus Mono L, Courier New, Courier, monospace;
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font-size: 18px;
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}
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/* Theme colors */
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:root {
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--color-gray-20: #e0e0e0;
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--color-gray-50: #C0C0C0;
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--color-gray-90: #333;
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--background-color: #fff;
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--text-color: var(--color-gray-90);
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--text-color-link: #d61d4a;
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--text-color-link-active: #853439;
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--text-color-link-visited: #e8325e;
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--syntax-tab-size: 2;
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}
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@media (prefers-color-scheme: dark) {
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:root {
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--color-gray-20: #e0e0e0;
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--color-gray-50: #C0C0C0;
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--color-gray-90: #dad8d8;
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/* --text-color is assigned to --color-gray-_ above */
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--text-color-link: #1493fb;
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--text-color-link-active: #6969f7;
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--text-color-link-visited: #a6a6f8;
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--background-color: #15202b;
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}
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}
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/* Global stylesheet */
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* {
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box-sizing: border-box;
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}
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@view-transition {
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navigation: auto;
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}
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html,
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body {
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padding: 0;
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margin: 0 auto;
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font-family: var(--font-family);
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color: var(--text-color);
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background-color: var(--background-color);
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}
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html {
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overflow-y: scroll;
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}
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body {
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max-width: 40em;
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}
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/* https://www.a11yproject.com/posts/how-to-hide-content/ */
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.visually-hidden {
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clip: rect(0 0 0 0);
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clip-path: inset(50%);
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height: 1px;
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overflow: hidden;
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position: absolute;
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white-space: nowrap;
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width: 1px;
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}
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p:last-child {
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margin-bottom: 0;
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}
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p {
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line-height: 1.5;
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}
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li {
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line-height: 1.5;
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}
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a[href] {
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color: var(--text-color-link);
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}
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a[href]:visited {
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color: var(--text-color-link-visited);
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}
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a[href]:hover,
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a[href]:active {
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color: var(--text-color-link-active);
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}
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main,
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footer {
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padding: 1rem;
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}
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main :first-child {
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margin-top: 0;
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}
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header {
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border-bottom: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
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}
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header:after {
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content: "";
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display: table;
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clear: both;
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}
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footer {
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border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-50);
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}
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.links-nextprev {
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display: flex;
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justify-content: space-between;
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gap: .5em 1em;
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list-style: "";
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border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
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padding: 1em 0;
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}
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.links-nextprev > * {
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flex-grow: 1;
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}
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.links-nextprev-next {
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text-align: right;
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}
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table {
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margin: 1em 0;
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}
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table td,
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table th {
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padding-right: 1em;
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}
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pre,
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code {
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font-family: var(--font-family-monospace);
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}
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pre:not([class*="language-"]) {
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margin: .5em 0;
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line-height: 1.375; /* 22px /16 */
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-moz-tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
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-o-tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
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tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
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-webkit-hyphens: none;
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-ms-hyphens: none;
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hyphens: none;
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direction: ltr;
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text-align: left;
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white-space: pre;
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word-spacing: normal;
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word-break: normal;
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overflow-x: auto;
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}
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code {
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word-break: break-all;
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}
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/* Header */
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header {
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display: flex;
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gap: 1em .5em;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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align-items: center;
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padding: 1em;
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}
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.home-link {
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font-size: 1.5em; /* 16px /16 */
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font-weight: 700;
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margin-right: 2em;
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}
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.home-link:link:not(:hover) {
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text-decoration: none;
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}
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/* Nav */
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.nav {
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display: flex;
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padding: 0;
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margin: 0;
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list-style: none;
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}
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.nav-item {
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display: inline-block;
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margin-right: 1em;
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}
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.nav-item a[href]:not(:hover) {
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text-decoration: none;
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}
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.nav a[href][aria-current="page"] {
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text-decoration: underline;
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}
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/* Posts list */
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.postlist {
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list-style: none;
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padding: 0;
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padding-left: 1.5rem;
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}
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.postlist-item {
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display: flex;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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align-items: baseline;
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counter-increment: start-from -1;
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margin-bottom: 1em;
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}
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.postlist-item:before {
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display: inline-block;
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pointer-events: none;
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content: "" counter(start-from, decimal-leading-zero) ". ";
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line-height: 100%;
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text-align: right;
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margin-left: -1.5rem;
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}
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.postlist-date,
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.postlist-item:before {
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font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
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color: var(--color-gray-90);
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}
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.postlist-date {
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word-spacing: -0.5px;
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}
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.postlist-link {
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font-size: 1.1875em; /* 19px /16 */
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font-weight: 700;
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flex-basis: calc(100% - 1.5rem);
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padding-left: .25em;
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padding-right: .5em;
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text-underline-position: from-font;
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text-underline-offset: 0;
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text-decoration-thickness: 1px;
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}
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.postlist-item-active .postlist-link {
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font-weight: bold;
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}
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/* Archive list */
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.archivelist {
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padding: 0;
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padding-left: 2.5rem;
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}
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.archivelist-item {
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align-items: baseline;
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margin-bottom: 1em;
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}
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.archivelist-item::marker {
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text-align: right;
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margin-left: -1.5rem;
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font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
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color: var(--color-gray-90);
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}
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.archivelist-date {
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font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
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color: var(--color-gray-90);
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word-spacing: -0.5px;
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}
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.archivelist-link {
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font-size: 1.1875em; /* 19px /16 */
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font-weight: 700;
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flex-basis: calc(100% - 1.5rem);
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padding-left: .25em;
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padding-right: .5em;
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text-underline-position: from-font;
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text-underline-offset: 0;
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text-decoration-thickness: 1px;
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}
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.archivelist-item-active .archivelist-link {
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font-weight: bold;
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}
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/* Tags */
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.post-tag {
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display: inline-flex;
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align-items: center;
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justify-content: center;
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text-transform: capitalize;
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font-style: italic;
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}
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.postlist-item > .post-tag {
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align-self: center;
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}
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/* Tags list */
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.post-metadata {
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display: inline-flex;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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gap: .5em;
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list-style: none;
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border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
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border-bottom: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
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padding: 3px 0px 3px 0px;
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margin: 0;
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font-size: .8em;
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}
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.post-metadata time {
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margin-right: 1em;
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}
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/* Direct Links / Markdown Headers */
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||
.header-anchor {
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text-decoration: none;
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font-style: normal;
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font-size: 1em;
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margin-left: .1em;
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}
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a[href].header-anchor,
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a[href].header-anchor:visited {
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color: transparent;
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}
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a[href].header-anchor:focus,
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a[href].header-anchor:hover {
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text-decoration: underline;
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}
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a[href].header-anchor:focus,
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:hover > a[href].header-anchor {
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color: #aaa;
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}
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h2 + .header-anchor {
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font-size: 1.5em;
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font-weight: bold;
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||
}
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h1 {
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font-weight: bolder;
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}
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summary {
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font-size: 1.5em;
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font-weight: bold;
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margin-bottom: .5em;
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}
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img {
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display: block;
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margin-left: auto;
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margin-right: auto;
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}
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blockquote {
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display: block;
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margin-left: 2em;
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margin-right: 3em;
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padding-left: 10px;
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border-left: 10px solid var(--text-color-link);
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}
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hr.new {
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border: none;
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border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-50);
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}
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/* Webmention Section */
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||
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.webmentions {
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display:block;
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text-align: left;
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||
}
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||
.webmentions__facepile {
|
||
display:flex;
|
||
align-items: center;
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||
flex-wrap: wrap;
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||
}
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||
.webmentions__face {
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||
width: 2rem;
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height: 2rem;
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||
border-radius: 50%;
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||
object-fit: cover;
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||
flex: none;
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||
}
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||
.webmentions__list {
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||
list-style-type: none;
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||
padding:0;
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||
}
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.webmentions__item {
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||
margin-bottom: 2rem;
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<h1 id="dream-life">Dream/Life</h1>
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<li><time datetime="2003-10-24">24 October 2003</time></li>
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<p>I should begin with the caveat (possibly disingenuous) that I’m not ordinarily big on the “let me share with you the completely bizarre dream I had last night” conversational gambit. (What was the song that David Silver sang part of to me and Liz before <a href="/aoir_432/">Jason’s panel</a>? Something about no one caring about your dreams, unless they’re in them…)</p>
|
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<p>However: this dream was much too terrifying, and much too vivid, to simply leave be. I dreamed, just before waking up this morning, that I was going rapidly, unmistakably, and irremediably insane. Someone referred to the disorder that I was suffering in the dream as bipolar, but the evidence (a bizarre concept when it comes to dreams, I recognize) in fact suggests that what I was suffering was more akin to schizophrenia. In the course of the dream, I rapidly lost all concept of or ability to distinguish “reality” (again, a bizarre concept to consider in relation to dreams). I was hallucinating (ditto), both visually and aurally, and at least at first I was aware that these were hallucinations, but my ability to distinguish between the things I was perceiving and the actual world (mm-hm) rapidly deteriorated. Family members (who appeared to me as more and more distorted and threatening, as the dream wore on) presented me with things I’d done that I had no memory of, things that provided clear evidence of the break I’d apparently suffered — for instance, having sent over 60 rambling and somewhat threatening messages to a listserv in rapid succession, each less coherent than the last. Even more, I found myself unable to maintain a clear distinction between my thoughts and my actions (on the bizarreness of such a distinction within the unconscious mind, see above) — at one point, I saw (or imagined I saw) that our house and our truck (whose house and whose truck? don’t know) had weeds and flowers growing on their roofs, and I attempted to tell someone that they needed to be mowed, but the words wouldn’t come out right, and I found myself instead having to fight off the incredibly strong urge to do that mowing.</p>
|
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<p>Needless to say, I’m deeply unnerved by this dream. The only real-life impetus for it (and please don’t ask me to define “real-life” today; I’m feeling a bit shaky in my grasp thereof) is I think that I’ve been reading too much postmodernist theory, and that the sense of contemporary representation as schizophrenia — the links of the signifying chain having been broken, leaving us surrounded by a heap of unrelated signifiers, as Jameson lifts from Lacan — has left an imprint on my unconscious. I need some more awake-time, though, before I can piece through the multiple layers of consciousness, consciousness within the unconscious, dream, hallucination within the dream, to even begin to sort out what it might all mean.</p>
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<ul class="links-nextprev"><li class="links-nextprev-prev">← Previous<br> <a href="/where-did-that-quote-come-from-again/">Where Did That Quote Come From, Again?</a></li><li class="links-nextprev-next">Next →<br><a href="/a-sure-sign-of-the-apocalypse/">A Sure Sign of the Apocalypse</a></li>
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