Files
kfitz-site/enough/index.html
Kathleen Fitzpatrick 744bf2dfc4 fix broken link
2024-12-22 12:46:21 -05:00

717 lines
18 KiB
HTML
Raw Blame History

This file contains ambiguous Unicode characters

This file contains Unicode characters that might be confused with other characters. If you think that this is intentional, you can safely ignore this warning. Use the Escape button to reveal them.

<!doctype html>
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="utf-8">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
<title>Enough</title>
<meta name="description" content="The long-running and erratically updated blog of Kathleen Fitzpatrick.">
<link rel="alternate" href="feed/feed.xml" type="application/atom+xml" title="kfitz">
<script async="" src="https://talk.hyvor.com/embed/embed.js" type="module"></script>
<link rel="webmention" href="https://webmention.io/kfitz.info/webmention">
<link rel="pingback" href="https://webmention.io/kfitz.info/xmlrpc">
<style>/**
* okaidia theme for JavaScript, CSS and HTML
* Loosely based on Monokai textmate theme by http://www.monokai.nl/
* @author ocodia
*/
code[class*="language-"],
pre[class*="language-"] {
color: #f8f8f2;
background: none;
text-shadow: 0 1px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3);
font-family: Consolas, Monaco, 'Andale Mono', 'Ubuntu Mono', monospace;
font-size: 1em;
text-align: left;
white-space: pre;
word-spacing: normal;
word-break: normal;
word-wrap: normal;
line-height: 1.5;
-moz-tab-size: 4;
-o-tab-size: 4;
tab-size: 4;
-webkit-hyphens: none;
-moz-hyphens: none;
-ms-hyphens: none;
hyphens: none;
}
/* Code blocks */
pre[class*="language-"] {
padding: 1em;
margin: .5em 0;
overflow: auto;
border-radius: 0.3em;
}
:not(pre) > code[class*="language-"],
pre[class*="language-"] {
background: #272822;
}
/* Inline code */
:not(pre) > code[class*="language-"] {
padding: .1em;
border-radius: .3em;
white-space: normal;
}
.token.comment,
.token.prolog,
.token.doctype,
.token.cdata {
color: #8292a2;
}
.token.punctuation {
color: #f8f8f2;
}
.token.namespace {
opacity: .7;
}
.token.property,
.token.tag,
.token.constant,
.token.symbol,
.token.deleted {
color: #f92672;
}
.token.boolean,
.token.number {
color: #ae81ff;
}
.token.selector,
.token.attr-name,
.token.string,
.token.char,
.token.builtin,
.token.inserted {
color: #a6e22e;
}
.token.operator,
.token.entity,
.token.url,
.language-css .token.string,
.style .token.string,
.token.variable {
color: #f8f8f2;
}
.token.atrule,
.token.attr-value,
.token.function,
.token.class-name {
color: #e6db74;
}
.token.keyword {
color: #66d9ef;
}
.token.regex,
.token.important {
color: #fd971f;
}
.token.important,
.token.bold {
font-weight: bold;
}
.token.italic {
font-style: italic;
}
.token.entity {
cursor: help;
}
/*
* New diff- syntax
*/
pre[class*="language-diff-"] {
--eleventy-code-padding: 1.25em;
padding-left: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
padding-right: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
}
.token.deleted {
background-color: hsl(0, 51%, 37%);
color: inherit;
}
.token.inserted {
background-color: hsl(126, 31%, 39%);
color: inherit;
}
/* Make the + and - characters unselectable for copy/paste */
.token.prefix.unchanged,
.token.prefix.inserted,
.token.prefix.deleted {
-webkit-user-select: none;
user-select: none;
display: inline-flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
padding-top: 2px;
padding-bottom: 2px;
}
.token.prefix.inserted,
.token.prefix.deleted {
width: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
background-color: rgba(0,0,0,.2);
}
/* Optional: full-width background color */
.token.inserted:not(.prefix),
.token.deleted:not(.prefix) {
display: block;
margin-left: calc(-1 * var(--eleventy-code-padding));
margin-right: calc(-1 * var(--eleventy-code-padding));
text-decoration: none; /* override del, ins, mark defaults */
color: inherit; /* override del, ins, mark defaults */
}
/* This is an arbitrary CSS string added to the bundle */
/* Defaults */
@font-face {
font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-400-normal.woff2') format('woff2');
font-display: swap;
}
@font-face {
font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
font-weight: bold;
src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-700-normal.woff2') format('woff2');
font-display: swap;
}
@font-face {
font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
font-style: italic
src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-400-italic.woff2') format('woff2');
font-display: swap;
}
:root {
--font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible", -apple-system, system-ui, sans-serif;
--font-family-monospace: Consolas, Menlo, Monaco, Andale Mono WT, Andale Mono, Lucida Console, Lucida Sans Typewriter, DejaVu Sans Mono, Bitstream Vera Sans Mono, Liberation Mono, Nimbus Mono L, Courier New, Courier, monospace;
font-size: 18px;
}
/* Theme colors */
:root {
--color-gray-20: #e0e0e0;
--color-gray-50: #C0C0C0;
--color-gray-90: #333;
--background-color: #fff;
--text-color: var(--color-gray-90);
--text-color-link: #d61d4a;
--text-color-link-active: #853439;
--text-color-link-visited: #e8325e;
--syntax-tab-size: 2;
}
@media (prefers-color-scheme: dark) {
:root {
--color-gray-20: #e0e0e0;
--color-gray-50: #C0C0C0;
--color-gray-90: #dad8d8;
/* --text-color is assigned to --color-gray-_ above */
--text-color-link: #1493fb;
--text-color-link-active: #6969f7;
--text-color-link-visited: #a6a6f8;
--background-color: #15202b;
}
}
/* Global stylesheet */
* {
box-sizing: border-box;
}
@view-transition {
navigation: auto;
}
html,
body {
padding: 0;
margin: 0 auto;
font-family: var(--font-family);
color: var(--text-color);
background-color: var(--background-color);
}
html {
overflow-y: scroll;
}
body {
max-width: 40em;
}
/* https://www.a11yproject.com/posts/how-to-hide-content/ */
.visually-hidden {
clip: rect(0 0 0 0);
clip-path: inset(50%);
height: 1px;
overflow: hidden;
position: absolute;
white-space: nowrap;
width: 1px;
}
p:last-child {
margin-bottom: 0;
}
p {
line-height: 1.5;
}
li {
line-height: 1.5;
}
a[href] {
color: var(--text-color-link);
}
a[href]:visited {
color: var(--text-color-link-visited);
}
a[href]:hover,
a[href]:active {
color: var(--text-color-link-active);
}
main,
footer {
padding: 1rem;
}
main :first-child {
margin-top: 0;
}
header {
border-bottom: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
}
header:after {
content: "";
display: table;
clear: both;
}
footer {
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-50);
}
.links-nextprev {
display: flex;
justify-content: space-between;
gap: .5em 1em;
list-style: "";
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
padding: 1em 0;
}
.links-nextprev > * {
flex-grow: 1;
}
.links-nextprev-next {
text-align: right;
}
table {
margin: 1em 0;
}
table td,
table th {
padding-right: 1em;
}
pre,
code {
font-family: var(--font-family-monospace);
}
pre:not([class*="language-"]) {
margin: .5em 0;
line-height: 1.375; /* 22px /16 */
-moz-tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
-o-tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
-webkit-hyphens: none;
-ms-hyphens: none;
hyphens: none;
direction: ltr;
text-align: left;
white-space: pre;
word-spacing: normal;
word-break: normal;
overflow-x: auto;
}
code {
word-break: break-all;
}
/* Header */
header {
display: flex;
gap: 1em .5em;
flex-wrap: wrap;
align-items: center;
padding: 1em;
}
.home-link {
font-size: 1.5em; /* 16px /16 */
font-weight: 700;
margin-right: 2em;
}
.home-link:link:not(:hover) {
text-decoration: none;
}
/* Nav */
.nav {
display: flex;
padding: 0;
margin: 0;
list-style: none;
}
.nav-item {
display: inline-block;
margin-right: 1em;
}
.nav-item a[href]:not(:hover) {
text-decoration: none;
}
.nav a[href][aria-current="page"] {
text-decoration: underline;
}
/* Posts list */
.postlist {
list-style: none;
padding: 0;
padding-left: 1.5rem;
}
.postlist-item {
display: flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
align-items: baseline;
counter-increment: start-from -1;
margin-bottom: 1em;
}
.postlist-item:before {
display: inline-block;
pointer-events: none;
content: "" counter(start-from, decimal-leading-zero) ". ";
line-height: 100%;
text-align: right;
margin-left: -1.5rem;
}
.postlist-date,
.postlist-item:before {
font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
color: var(--color-gray-90);
}
.postlist-date {
word-spacing: -0.5px;
}
.postlist-link {
font-size: 1.1875em; /* 19px /16 */
font-weight: 700;
flex-basis: calc(100% - 1.5rem);
padding-left: .25em;
padding-right: .5em;
text-underline-position: from-font;
text-underline-offset: 0;
text-decoration-thickness: 1px;
}
.postlist-item-active .postlist-link {
font-weight: bold;
}
/* Archive list */
.archivelist {
padding: 0;
padding-left: 2.5rem;
}
.archivelist-item {
align-items: baseline;
margin-bottom: 1em;
}
.archivelist-item::marker {
text-align: right;
margin-left: -1.5rem;
font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
color: var(--color-gray-90);
}
.archivelist-date {
font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
color: var(--color-gray-90);
word-spacing: -0.5px;
}
.archivelist-link {
font-size: 1.1875em; /* 19px /16 */
font-weight: 700;
flex-basis: calc(100% - 1.5rem);
padding-left: .25em;
padding-right: .5em;
text-underline-position: from-font;
text-underline-offset: 0;
text-decoration-thickness: 1px;
}
.archivelist-item-active .archivelist-link {
font-weight: bold;
}
/* Tags */
.post-tag {
display: inline-flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
text-transform: capitalize;
font-style: italic;
}
.postlist-item > .post-tag {
align-self: center;
}
/* Tags list */
.post-metadata {
display: inline-flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
gap: .5em;
list-style: none;
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
border-bottom: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
padding: 3px 0px 3px 0px;
margin: 0;
font-size: .8em;
}
.post-metadata time {
margin-right: 1em;
}
/* Direct Links / Markdown Headers */
.header-anchor {
text-decoration: none;
font-style: normal;
font-size: 1em;
margin-left: .1em;
}
a[href].header-anchor,
a[href].header-anchor:visited {
color: transparent;
}
a[href].header-anchor:focus,
a[href].header-anchor:hover {
text-decoration: underline;
}
a[href].header-anchor:focus,
:hover > a[href].header-anchor {
color: #aaa;
}
h2 + .header-anchor {
font-size: 1.5em;
font-weight: bold;
}
h1 {
font-weight: bolder;
}
summary {
font-size: 1.5em;
font-weight: bold;
margin-bottom: .5em;
}
img {
display: block;
margin-left: auto;
margin-right: auto;
}
blockquote {
display: block;
margin-left: 2em;
margin-right: 3em;
padding-left: 10px;
border-left: 10px solid var(--text-color-link);
}
hr.new {
border: none;
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-50);
}
/* Webmention Section */
.webmentions {
display:block;
text-align: left;
}
.webmentions__facepile {
display:flex;
align-items: center;
flex-wrap: wrap;
}
.webmentions__face {
width: 2rem;
height: 2rem;
border-radius: 50%;
object-fit: cover;
flex: none;
}
.webmentions__list {
list-style-type: none;
padding:0;
}
.webmentions__item {
margin-bottom: 2rem;
}
/* Single Webmention */
.webmention {
display:block;
}
.webmention__meta,
.webmention__author {
display: flex;
align-items: center;
flex-wrap: wrap;
}
.webmention__meta {
margin-bottom:.5rem;
}
.webmention__author {
margin-right:.25rem;
}
.webmention__author__photo {
height: 3rem;
width: 3rem;
border-radius: 50%;
object-fit: cover;
margin-right:.5rem;
}
.webmention__pubdate {
font-style: italic;
}
/* Message Box */
.message-box {
--color-message-box: #ffc;
display: block;
background-color: var(--color-message-box);
color: var(--color-gray-90);
padding: 1em 0.625em; /* 16px 10px /16 */
}
.message-box ol {
margin-top: 0;
}
@media (prefers-color-scheme: dark) {
.message-box {
--color-message-box: #082840;
}
}</style>
</head>
<body>
<a href="#skip" class="visually-hidden">Skip to main content</a>
<header>
<a href="/" class="home-link">kfitz</a>
<nav>
<h2 class="visually-hidden" id="top-level-navigation-menu">Top level navigation menu</h2>
<ul class="nav">
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/">Home</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/blog/">Archive</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/about/">About</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/projects/">Projects</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/presentations/">Presentations</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/teaching/">Teaching</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/feed/feed.xml">Feed</a></li>
</ul>
</nav>
</header>
<link href="/pagefind/pagefind-ui.css" rel="stylesheet">
<script src="/pagefind/pagefind-ui.js"></script>
<div id="search"></div>
<script>
window.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', (event) => {
new PagefindUI({ element: "#search", showSubResults: true });
});
</script>
<main id="skip">
<heading-anchors>
<h1 id="enough">Enough</h1>
<ul class="post-metadata">
<li><time datetime="2011-05-23">23 May 2011</time></li>
<li><a href="/tags/life/" class="post-tag">life</a>, </li>
<li><a href="/tags/running/" class="post-tag">running</a>, </li>
<li><a href="/tags/work/" class="post-tag">work</a></li>
</ul>
<p>Im in what amounts to the last couple of weeks of my sabbatical, and so am finding myself reflecting a bunch on the goals Id set for myself <a href="/this-year/">at the beginning of the year</a> and the utterly <a href="/moves-and-updates/">unexpected place in which I now find myself</a>. Its typical for me, at the end of a break, to look back at what Ive accomplished and think “not bad, but nowhere near as much as I wanted to get done.”</p>
<p>Actually, its not just typical — its invariable. There has never, ever been a period of time, during which I was supposed to be focused on my own projects, in which Ive felt like Ive accomplished enough.</p>
<p>Until now. Not only do I feel like Ive done enough, Ive done more than I expected. This isnt to say that Ive accomplished everything on my to-do list — Im still revising the overdue article on <a href="http://docs.plannedobsolescence.net/blog/infinitesummer/">Infinite Summer</a>, and Ive got a review article that I really ought to have gotten out by now — but Ive done a lot of things that werent on my to-do list, and Ive taken on some amazing new projects, and I generally feel like Ive made real progress in a lot of areas. And for this year, thats enough.</p>
<p>“Enough” is a concept that I need to do some more work on, though, in a bunch of different aspects of my life. Its a measure that too often has more to do with some invidious comparison with other people than it does with an internally focused sense of who I am and what I want to do. Working in the academy, in particular, has played heavily on a couple of insecurities of mine, and has for years left me feeling as though I were always trailing behind, trying to catch up with the people I considered my peers. Its as though Ive spent years in a race — not with myself, but with those around me — and my need to do more, faster, better, has been focused less on my own desires than on what those around me are doing, and what they might think of me. Its hard, when you turn everything into a competition, to figure out whats really enough.</p>
<p>And this applies in a bunch of areas of my life, I think. Fitness, for instance: as the archives here will attest, I used to run a fair bit, and there still arent any other modes of exercise that combine runnings payoffs with its economy. But the older Ive gotten, the less fun running has become. Things hurt afterward in ways that make me start dreading going to the gym — and when I dread something like that, I just wont do it. Even so, Ive tried all year to really get back to running, and every time Ive gone to the gym and done something other than run — or worse, every time Ive skipped going to the gym for two weeks because I couldnt bear the thought of running — Ive gotten upset with myself. For not doing enough.</p>
<p>But here too theres an invidious comparison at work — and this I think is one of the dangers that the so-called “gamification” of everything poses for the ways that we live our lives. Im surrounded by runners online, many of them younger (some of them <em>a lot</em> younger) and all of them faster and stronger. And I realized the other day that a huge part of what had me pushing myself to run all year was some desire to keep up with those folks, some ingrained sense of competitiveness that was driving me to do more, not so much in order to feel better about myself but in order to feel better about the comparison between myself and others.</p>
<p>The result, of course, is always the same: running <em>hurts</em>. I quit. I feel guilty and inadequate.</p>
<p>For the last few weeks, Ive been walking on the treadmill at the gym. I walk hard, and fast, and I feel good afterward. It never hurts. But Im having to work hard on letting that be enough, on pulling myself out of the competition Ive built.</p>
<p>And Im now wondering how this sense of enough, of focusing on what I genuinely want to accomplish rather than on how people will see those accomplishments, might affect other parts of my life. How might freeing myself from the need to compete with others change the ways I approach my work? How can I begin figuring out whats enough for me?</p>
<ul class="links-nextprev"><li class="links-nextprev-prev">← Previous<br> <a href="/complexity/">Complexity</a></li><li class="links-nextprev-next">Next →<br><a href="/rebuild-rewrite-redirect/">Rebuild, Rewrite, Redirect</a></li>
</ul>
<hyvor-talk-comments website-id="9100" page-id="/enough/"></hyvor-talk-comments>
<div class="webmentions" id="webmentions">
<h3 id="webmentions-2">Webmentions</h3>
<p>No replies yet.</p>
</div>
</heading-anchors>
</main>
<footer>
<p><em>Built with <a href="https://www.11ty.dev/">Eleventy v3.0.0</a>. All content <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en">CC BY 4.0</a> if you're human.</em></p><p></p>
</footer>
<!-- This page `/enough/` was built on 2024-12-22T17:45:44.865Z -->
<script type="module" src="/dist/rJ3_G-2ArF.js"></script>
</body>
</html>