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<h1 id="reverb10-day-24-everythings-ok">#reverb10, day 24: Everything&#39;s OK</h1>
<ul class="post-metadata">
<li><time datetime="2010-12-24">24 December 2010</time></li>
<li><a href="/tags/reverb10/" class="post-tag">#reverb10</a>, </li>
<li><a href="/tags/reflecting/" class="post-tag">reflecting</a></li>
</ul>
<p>Todays prompt:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Everythings OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Its almost as though someones been reading <a href="/reverb10-day-21-future-self/">my advice to my past self</a>. The fact is, though, that there wasnt any one particular moment this year when I got the proof that everything was going to be okay — not unless you want to point to something as obvious as getting the call from my dean saying my promotion had gone through, which wasnt really a moment indicating that everything <em>would be</em> alright but rather that it <em>was</em> alright, and in fact had more or less been alright for a while, if not exactly all along.</p>
<p>Anyhow, that moment is too easy, too conclusive. Instead, I want to think about the myriad small moments in which I find ways to convince myself that its all going to be okay.</p>
<p>The paradigmatic one of these came for me at some point late in college or early in grad school; I cant remember which. In any case, I was staring down the end of a semester that was coming much too quickly, with a mountain of deadlines and term papers and exams and the like to get through, and looking at the list of what needed to be done, and the too-few hours left to me to get it done in, and a low-grade panic started to set in. It just wasnt possible.</p>
<p>But something in me stopped and said, look. Youve had <em>lots</em> of semesters like this before. And you always think you cant get it all done. And yet you always do.</p>
<p>In fact, you have never <em>not</em> gotten it all done.</p>
<p><em>So draw a breath. Youre going to get it all done. Its all going to be okay.</em></p>
<p>I go through this routine — making a list of what needs to be done; beginning to freak out about the lists impossibility; convincing myself that its in fact perfectly possible — at least once a semester. And some of those semesters have been more difficult than others, but its all always turned out okay.</p>
<p>I now find myself going through a variant of this routine whenever I start a new writing project. I face the blankness of the text document or the roughness of what I thought was an outline but that turns out to be a few half-baked bullet points, and think, Ive got no idea how to write this, what ever made me think I could. And usually the first day of working on the essay or article or whatever is miserable.</p>
<p>But the second day is almost always a little bit better. And at some point in the first week of writing, I turn a corner: some connection gets made, some point gets clarified, some small gesture appears that lets me know that even though theres a lot yet to be done — some of which is just going to suck — in the end, its all going to be okay.</p>
<p>Those are the moments that keep me moving forward, the moments I need to hold on to. Just like facing down a miserable end-of-semester to-do list, facing down an empty text document is perfectly do-able. I do it more or less every time. The trick is just drawing that breath and pressing forward.</p>
<ul class="links-nextprev"><li class="links-nextprev-prev">← Previous<br> <a href="/reverb10-day-23-new-name/">#reverb10, day 23: New Name</a></li><li class="links-nextprev-next">Next →<br><a href="/among-the-things-we-saw-last-night/">Among the Things We Saw Last Night</a></li>
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