Files
kfitz-site/aw-shucks/index.html
Kathleen Fitzpatrick c59f6f9edd add footnote
2025-02-18 12:10:12 -05:00

714 lines
16 KiB
HTML
Raw Blame History

This file contains ambiguous Unicode characters

This file contains Unicode characters that might be confused with other characters. If you think that this is intentional, you can safely ignore this warning. Use the Escape button to reveal them.

<!doctype html>
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="utf-8">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
<title>Aw, Shucks</title>
<meta name="description" content="The long-running and erratically updated blog of Kathleen Fitzpatrick.">
<link rel="alternate" href="feed/feed.xml" type="application/atom+xml" title="kfitz">
<script async="" src="https://talk.hyvor.com/embed/embed.js" type="module"></script>
<link rel="webmention" href="https://webmention.io/kfitz.info/webmention">
<link rel="pingback" href="https://webmention.io/kfitz.info/xmlrpc">
<style>/**
* okaidia theme for JavaScript, CSS and HTML
* Loosely based on Monokai textmate theme by http://www.monokai.nl/
* @author ocodia
*/
code[class*="language-"],
pre[class*="language-"] {
color: #f8f8f2;
background: none;
text-shadow: 0 1px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.3);
font-family: Consolas, Monaco, 'Andale Mono', 'Ubuntu Mono', monospace;
font-size: 1em;
text-align: left;
white-space: pre;
word-spacing: normal;
word-break: normal;
word-wrap: normal;
line-height: 1.5;
-moz-tab-size: 4;
-o-tab-size: 4;
tab-size: 4;
-webkit-hyphens: none;
-moz-hyphens: none;
-ms-hyphens: none;
hyphens: none;
}
/* Code blocks */
pre[class*="language-"] {
padding: 1em;
margin: .5em 0;
overflow: auto;
border-radius: 0.3em;
}
:not(pre) > code[class*="language-"],
pre[class*="language-"] {
background: #272822;
}
/* Inline code */
:not(pre) > code[class*="language-"] {
padding: .1em;
border-radius: .3em;
white-space: normal;
}
.token.comment,
.token.prolog,
.token.doctype,
.token.cdata {
color: #8292a2;
}
.token.punctuation {
color: #f8f8f2;
}
.token.namespace {
opacity: .7;
}
.token.property,
.token.tag,
.token.constant,
.token.symbol,
.token.deleted {
color: #f92672;
}
.token.boolean,
.token.number {
color: #ae81ff;
}
.token.selector,
.token.attr-name,
.token.string,
.token.char,
.token.builtin,
.token.inserted {
color: #a6e22e;
}
.token.operator,
.token.entity,
.token.url,
.language-css .token.string,
.style .token.string,
.token.variable {
color: #f8f8f2;
}
.token.atrule,
.token.attr-value,
.token.function,
.token.class-name {
color: #e6db74;
}
.token.keyword {
color: #66d9ef;
}
.token.regex,
.token.important {
color: #fd971f;
}
.token.important,
.token.bold {
font-weight: bold;
}
.token.italic {
font-style: italic;
}
.token.entity {
cursor: help;
}
/*
* New diff- syntax
*/
pre[class*="language-diff-"] {
--eleventy-code-padding: 1.25em;
padding-left: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
padding-right: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
}
.token.deleted {
background-color: hsl(0, 51%, 37%);
color: inherit;
}
.token.inserted {
background-color: hsl(126, 31%, 39%);
color: inherit;
}
/* Make the + and - characters unselectable for copy/paste */
.token.prefix.unchanged,
.token.prefix.inserted,
.token.prefix.deleted {
-webkit-user-select: none;
user-select: none;
display: inline-flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
padding-top: 2px;
padding-bottom: 2px;
}
.token.prefix.inserted,
.token.prefix.deleted {
width: var(--eleventy-code-padding);
background-color: rgba(0,0,0,.2);
}
/* Optional: full-width background color */
.token.inserted:not(.prefix),
.token.deleted:not(.prefix) {
display: block;
margin-left: calc(-1 * var(--eleventy-code-padding));
margin-right: calc(-1 * var(--eleventy-code-padding));
text-decoration: none; /* override del, ins, mark defaults */
color: inherit; /* override del, ins, mark defaults */
}
/* This is an arbitrary CSS string added to the bundle */
/* Defaults */
@font-face {
font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-400-normal.woff2') format('woff2');
font-display: swap;
}
@font-face {
font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
font-weight: bold;
src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-700-normal.woff2') format('woff2');
font-display: swap;
}
@font-face {
font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible";
font-style: italic
src: url('/css/files/atkinson-hyperlegible-latin-400-italic.woff2') format('woff2');
font-display: swap;
}
:root {
--font-family: "Atkinson Hyperlegible", -apple-system, system-ui, sans-serif;
--font-family-monospace: Consolas, Menlo, Monaco, Andale Mono WT, Andale Mono, Lucida Console, Lucida Sans Typewriter, DejaVu Sans Mono, Bitstream Vera Sans Mono, Liberation Mono, Nimbus Mono L, Courier New, Courier, monospace;
font-size: 18px;
}
/* Theme colors */
:root {
--color-gray-20: #e0e0e0;
--color-gray-50: #C0C0C0;
--color-gray-90: #333;
--background-color: #fff;
--text-color: var(--color-gray-90);
--text-color-link: #d61d4a;
--text-color-link-active: #853439;
--text-color-link-visited: #e8325e;
--syntax-tab-size: 2;
}
@media (prefers-color-scheme: dark) {
:root {
--color-gray-20: #e0e0e0;
--color-gray-50: #C0C0C0;
--color-gray-90: #dad8d8;
/* --text-color is assigned to --color-gray-_ above */
--text-color-link: #1493fb;
--text-color-link-active: #6969f7;
--text-color-link-visited: #a6a6f8;
--background-color: #15202b;
}
}
/* Global stylesheet */
* {
box-sizing: border-box;
}
@view-transition {
navigation: auto;
}
html,
body {
padding: 0;
margin: 0 auto;
font-family: var(--font-family);
color: var(--text-color);
background-color: var(--background-color);
}
html {
overflow-y: scroll;
}
body {
max-width: 40em;
}
/* https://www.a11yproject.com/posts/how-to-hide-content/ */
.visually-hidden {
clip: rect(0 0 0 0);
clip-path: inset(50%);
height: 1px;
overflow: hidden;
position: absolute;
white-space: nowrap;
width: 1px;
}
p:last-child {
margin-bottom: 0;
}
p {
line-height: 1.5;
}
li {
line-height: 1.5;
}
a[href] {
color: var(--text-color-link);
}
a[href]:visited {
color: var(--text-color-link-visited);
}
a[href]:hover,
a[href]:active {
color: var(--text-color-link-active);
}
main,
footer {
padding: 1rem;
}
main :first-child {
margin-top: 0;
}
header {
border-bottom: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
}
header:after {
content: "";
display: table;
clear: both;
}
footer {
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-50);
}
.links-nextprev {
display: flex;
justify-content: space-between;
gap: .5em 1em;
list-style: "";
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
padding: 1em 0;
}
.links-nextprev > * {
flex-grow: 1;
}
.links-nextprev-next {
text-align: right;
}
table {
margin: 1em 0;
}
table td,
table th {
padding-right: 1em;
}
pre,
code {
font-family: var(--font-family-monospace);
}
pre:not([class*="language-"]) {
margin: .5em 0;
line-height: 1.375; /* 22px /16 */
-moz-tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
-o-tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
tab-size: var(--syntax-tab-size);
-webkit-hyphens: none;
-ms-hyphens: none;
hyphens: none;
direction: ltr;
text-align: left;
white-space: pre;
word-spacing: normal;
word-break: normal;
overflow-x: auto;
}
code {
word-break: break-all;
}
/* Header */
header {
display: flex;
gap: 1em .5em;
flex-wrap: wrap;
align-items: center;
padding: 1em;
}
.home-link {
font-size: 1.5em; /* 16px /16 */
font-weight: 700;
margin-right: 2em;
}
.home-link:link:not(:hover) {
text-decoration: none;
}
/* Nav */
.nav {
display: flex;
padding: 0;
margin: 0;
list-style: none;
}
.nav-item {
display: inline-block;
margin-right: 1em;
}
.nav-item a[href]:not(:hover) {
text-decoration: none;
}
.nav a[href][aria-current="page"] {
text-decoration: underline;
}
/* Posts list */
.postlist {
list-style: none;
padding: 0;
padding-left: 1.5rem;
}
.postlist-item {
display: flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
align-items: baseline;
counter-increment: start-from -1;
margin-bottom: 1em;
}
.postlist-item:before {
display: inline-block;
pointer-events: none;
content: "" counter(start-from, decimal-leading-zero) ". ";
line-height: 100%;
text-align: right;
margin-left: -1.5rem;
}
.postlist-date,
.postlist-item:before {
font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
color: var(--color-gray-90);
}
.postlist-date {
word-spacing: -0.5px;
}
.postlist-link {
font-size: 1.1875em; /* 19px /16 */
font-weight: 700;
flex-basis: calc(100% - 1.5rem);
padding-left: .25em;
padding-right: .5em;
text-underline-position: from-font;
text-underline-offset: 0;
text-decoration-thickness: 1px;
}
.postlist-item-active .postlist-link {
font-weight: bold;
}
/* Archive list */
.archivelist {
padding: 0;
padding-left: 2.5rem;
}
.archivelist-item {
align-items: baseline;
margin-bottom: 1em;
}
.archivelist-item::marker {
text-align: right;
margin-left: -1.5rem;
font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
color: var(--color-gray-90);
}
.archivelist-date {
font-size: 0.8125em; /* 13px /16 */
color: var(--color-gray-90);
word-spacing: -0.5px;
}
.archivelist-link {
font-size: 1.1875em; /* 19px /16 */
font-weight: 700;
flex-basis: calc(100% - 1.5rem);
padding-left: .25em;
padding-right: .5em;
text-underline-position: from-font;
text-underline-offset: 0;
text-decoration-thickness: 1px;
}
.archivelist-item-active .archivelist-link {
font-weight: bold;
}
/* Tags */
.post-tag {
display: inline-flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
text-transform: capitalize;
font-style: italic;
}
.postlist-item > .post-tag {
align-self: center;
}
/* Tags list */
.post-metadata {
display: inline-flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
gap: .5em;
list-style: none;
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
border-bottom: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-20);
padding: 3px 0px 3px 0px;
margin: 0;
font-size: .8em;
}
.post-metadata time {
margin-right: 1em;
}
/* Direct Links / Markdown Headers */
.header-anchor {
text-decoration: none;
font-style: normal;
font-size: 1em;
margin-left: .1em;
}
a[href].header-anchor,
a[href].header-anchor:visited {
color: transparent;
}
a[href].header-anchor:focus,
a[href].header-anchor:hover {
text-decoration: underline;
}
a[href].header-anchor:focus,
:hover > a[href].header-anchor {
color: #aaa;
}
h2 + .header-anchor {
font-size: 1.5em;
font-weight: bold;
}
h1 {
font-weight: bolder;
}
summary {
font-size: 1.5em;
font-weight: bold;
margin-bottom: .5em;
}
img {
display: block;
margin-left: auto;
margin-right: auto;
}
blockquote {
display: block;
margin-left: 2em;
margin-right: 3em;
padding-left: 10px;
border-left: 10px solid var(--text-color-link);
}
hr.new {
border: none;
border-top: 1px dashed var(--color-gray-50);
}
/* Webmention Section */
.webmentions {
display:block;
text-align: left;
}
.webmentions__facepile {
display:flex;
align-items: center;
flex-wrap: wrap;
}
.webmentions__face {
width: 2rem;
height: 2rem;
border-radius: 50%;
object-fit: cover;
flex: none;
}
.webmentions__list {
list-style-type: none;
padding:0;
}
.webmentions__item {
margin-bottom: 2rem;
}
/* Single Webmention */
.webmention {
display:block;
}
.webmention__meta,
.webmention__author {
display: flex;
align-items: center;
flex-wrap: wrap;
}
.webmention__meta {
margin-bottom:.5rem;
}
.webmention__author {
margin-right:.25rem;
}
.webmention__author__photo {
height: 3rem;
width: 3rem;
border-radius: 50%;
object-fit: cover;
margin-right:.5rem;
}
.webmention__pubdate {
font-style: italic;
}
/* Message Box */
.message-box {
--color-message-box: #ffc;
display: block;
background-color: var(--color-message-box);
color: var(--color-gray-90);
padding: 1em 0.625em; /* 16px 10px /16 */
}
.message-box ol {
margin-top: 0;
}
@media (prefers-color-scheme: dark) {
.message-box {
--color-message-box: #082840;
}
}</style>
</head>
<body>
<a href="#skip" class="visually-hidden">Skip to main content</a>
<header>
<a href="/" class="home-link">kfitz</a>
<nav>
<h2 class="visually-hidden" id="top-level-navigation-menu">Top level navigation menu</h2>
<ul class="nav">
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/">Home</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/blog/">Archive</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/about/">About</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/projects/">Projects</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/presentations/">Presentations</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/teaching/">Teaching</a></li>
<li class="nav-item"><a href="/feed/feed.xml">Feed</a></li>
</ul>
</nav>
</header>
<link href="/pagefind/pagefind-ui.css" rel="stylesheet">
<script src="/pagefind/pagefind-ui.js"></script>
<div id="search"></div>
<script>
window.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', (event) => {
new PagefindUI({ element: "#search", showSubResults: true });
});
</script>
<main id="skip">
<heading-anchors>
<h1 id="aw-shucks">Aw, Shucks</h1>
<ul class="post-metadata">
<li><time datetime="2005-04-01">01 April 2005</time></li>
<li><a href="/tags/general-whining/" class="post-tag">general whining</a></li>
</ul>
<p>Support has been coming to me from all over in the last few days, from Erics comment on the original whiny post, to Jasons comment on the followup, to several email messages and conversations with colleagues and friends. Most moving to me in all this is the students whove leapt to my side, and particularly that theyve done so without disavowing their fondness for my colleague, who is equally deserving of their devotion.</p>
<p>This is the point at which Im supposed to say that I realize that my whining post looked like I was begging for this kind of reassurance, but really I wasnt, I just wanted to get this off my chest.</p>
<p>Not true. I was totally begging for reassurance. I really needed to hear that I belong in this profession, and that Im not alone in the kinds of crises I periodically face. And you all came through, both on the site and in the backchannel. And for that, I thank you.</p>
<p>But at the behest of one e-mail communicator, Im now contemplating what it would mean for this site, and my writing more generally, and my career on the whole, if I finally left behind the nervous, uncertain, forever in need of reassurance persona Ive been lugging around and instead allowed the total ass-kicking persona thats lurking in the background room to grow. Is this a persona I can give voice to? What would that voice sound like?</p>
<p>Many years ago, I found myself in a group therapy session with a cluster of massively depressed people, all of whom were talking that day, in various ways, about their complete inability to develop self-esteem. Id been a member of this group for about a year and a half, and this day, for whatever reason, my patience with the process and with the kind of wallowing that the group inspired just flat wore out. I kind of lost it with them, and with myself, and said that the only way to develop a positive sense of self was just to DO IT. “Just decide,” I blurted. “One day I woke up and just decided that I deserved better than this. That I was worth it. Youll never get out of this pit until you decide to get out.” (I left the group very shortly thereafter, needless to say.)</p>
<p>What I left out then, or maybe what I hadnt figured out yet, was that it takes a while for belief to catch up with that decision. It takes a period of faking your way through being confident before actual confidence can take root.</p>
<p>So perhaps this blog will allow me a kind of space to enact this total ass-kicking persona in ways that will permit the persona to take root, for me to begin to believe in myself as a kicker of ass. Its interesting to note, though, in light of the book that Jill <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0446531324/plannedobsole-20">pointed out</a>, that one of the things that holds me back from fully inhabiting such a persona is the sense that its unseemly to brag. And if there were ever a self-defeatingly girly mode of being, man, thats it.</p>
<p>So: more horn-blowing. Less whining. More imagining what can be, and less regretting what isnt. And more kicking of total ass.</p>
<ul class="links-nextprev"><li class="links-nextprev-prev">← Previous<br> <a href="/the-saga-of-the-toenail/">The Saga of the Toenail</a></li><li class="links-nextprev-next">Next →<br><a href="/rip-so-to-speak/">RIP, So to Speak</a></li>
</ul>
<hyvor-talk-comments website-id="9100" page-id="/aw-shucks/"></hyvor-talk-comments>
<div class="webmentions" id="webmentions">
<h3 id="webmentions-2">Webmentions</h3>
<p>No replies yet.</p>
</div>
</heading-anchors>
</main>
<footer>
<p><em>Built with <a href="https://www.11ty.dev/">Eleventy v3.0.0</a>. All content <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en">CC BY 4.0</a> if you're human.</em></p><p></p>
</footer>
<!-- This page `/aw-shucks/` was built on 2025-02-18T17:09:55.477Z -->
<script type="module" src="/dist/rJ3_G-2ArF.js"></script>
</body>
</html>